How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
