Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
