Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
