Don't make out with my wife yet
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
