but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
