my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
