how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
