I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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