Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
