I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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