You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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