The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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