Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
