I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
