I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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