Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize