for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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