i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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