Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
