i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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