Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
