Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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