I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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