No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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