I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
