What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
