The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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