Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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