I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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