he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
