dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
