She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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