I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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