on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!