I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.