two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me