Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels