Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
