I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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