My ATM looks so different sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
