Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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