Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
