this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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