Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
