: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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