Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
