im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
MIDGETS
????
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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