he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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