I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
