Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently you make a good broom.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
