she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
