If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My balls are so social today.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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