Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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