oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
