you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
