WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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