We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she told me i tasted like america
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
