I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
