i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
