she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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